wake up with stephen fry!

yes, i know. he's gone twattishly advertish over the last few years, and gone down a peg or two in my esteem. but still, he's stephen fry. and i can't help but still love him.

imagine my joy at being sent a link to this:

http://voco.uk.com/(with audio samples)

Modern alarm clocks are dreadfully uncouth, aren't they? The more refined gentleman prefers to be coaxed gently out of bed by his faithful manservant. After all a few choice words are infinitely more civilised than anything today's clanging contraptions can muster.

So wouldn't it be great if a velvety-voiced butler were to awaken you each day. And not just any old butler but an incredibly witty, quintessentially British butler. Someone like, say, Stephen Fry. Well guess what? Thanks to the Voco Clock, Mr Fry will do exactly that, and you won't even have to liaise with his agent.

This elegant talking alarm clock represents a radical departure from newfangled timepieces as it initially lures sleepers out of boboland with gentle birdsong. This is followed by a discreet cough. Next, the comforting words 'Good morning, Sir' will stir you from your slumber. Then you'll hear one of many amusing little messages recorded by Stephen Fry, owner of the most mellifluous voice in Her Maj's Empire. We love 'em all but a few favourites include:

Finally an alarm will sound until the rosette button is pressed, at which point the Voco will show its contempt for all things modern by dismissing the beeps with something along the lines of: 'Ghastly noise, I agree, Sir.'

As well as nearly 50 different wake-up messages, the Voco Clock features a 90-second relaxation message to help ease you to sleep. Oh, the sheer luxury of it. It really is like having your own personal butler. Played by Stephen Fry. Living in a traditional-looking alarm clock. (We could do with a bit of shut-eye ourselves).

The perfect gift for all you lazy blighters and twittish idlers, the Voco is guaranteed to raise a titter every time you hear its inspired one-liners. So hurry up and hit the Buy Button. Because to quote the butler: 'Sir has a firm touch, but very fair.











it's my birthday next month :)

king me

i'm starting an intensive campaign to become known as 'king zo'. i used to live with a girl called king jen, and i think it's a mightily good idea to create your own royalty.

on wednesday i went to meet/stalk a random ginger funny internets writing man at a gig.


he wasn't there.
neither was anyone else apart from the people performing.

instead of being king, i was temporarily prince charles for the night, having my own private concert.


there was strawberry beer. there was speed reading of the rime of the ancient mariner (complete with giggles). there was improv drumming and didgeridoo sax. there was playing of cymbals with violin bows.
it was all rather damned good.

these two charming men were responsible for it:

richard and paul .


there was also fine conversation about eating furniture, cooking schnitzel, and my cover as a kgb agent was rumbled. and they let me have a fuffle on the drums.

anyhows, they appear to be doing various things around west yorkshire in the near future.
enthralling, enrapturing, genuinely silly and very good indeed.
catch them if you can.

new love

we met about a month ago.
after a wee while apart, we're together again.

they're environmentally conscious, kickassedly sassy and flexible. there when i need them, and make no demands on me :)

we had an intense, whirlwind start to our relationship. it was, admittedly, a little messy in parts. but very intimate very fast. and finger skillz were involved.

i can see this becoming a long term thing.





meet my new wonderful:




to quote my favourite 'living' magazine, knockback,

"Now when i use tampons they feel harsh and unnatural and wrong, and when friends ask me covertly for a tampon in the pub, i answer Mooncup darling, MooooncuP. I don't have to worry about access to tampons, or about disposing of them discreetly. I never have to ask some woman for two 20ps."

thumbs up, girls.

or rather, mooncups up girls :)

lovely things for laura

i'm making my friend laura an internets present. she's doing a phd in cleverness and is all stressy at the moment. it's her birthday on friday, and she's spending the night doing writing stuff, with *a* glass of wine and some chocolate
i'm figuring she needs something nice and smiley for when she has five minutes distraction.
so.
www.lovelythingsforlaura.blogspot.com




if anyone has any recommendations for things to put on it, please comment here : )

the want list

the previously mentioned stephen fry alarm clock.
minions.
cake.
*cake*.
for my landlady to never return.
dreads.
or pillarbox red hair.
or pillarbox red dreads.
ethicalanarchoprinter job.
more money.
more time.
less distance.
a tardis.
juggling lessons.
more yoyo frogs.

and finally:

the first big weekend

dancing legs: 1
piggy backs (received): 1
piggy backs (given): 0.3
duvets: 1
fuckknuckle: spread the word. will make charts and graphs detailing where and when it's said.
random pirates from leeds: 2
bottles of jd drunk: 0.5
hippies met: many
trains caught: 2
stupid texts: 1
warm and fuzzy texts: some
alcohol consumed: too many
yoyo frogs acquired: 1
fingers working: 3.8
episodes of dr who watched: 0.25
downright rudery: 54779
freecycle emails waiting: 137
very nice indeed young ladies: 1
incredibly chuffed me: 1

hurtling

right now i'm a big mess of tired and ache.

i did london last week.
today i did nottingham.

it involved getting up at ten to six, missing my coach, going to see my mum, getting a later coach and meeting a lovely boy.
and his lovely girlfriend.

i drank belgian chocolate, ate good food, ignored the fact i was penniless for want of an internet connection, got good hug, and had the best ever shoulder rub in a massive storm with exploding cars.

owing to pennilessness* and layabout friends not being where they said they'd be with money owed, i had to walk home from town in torrents of rain and be soaked to death.

i then went to see aforementioned layabout friend. he told me to watch a video, and that i would like it because it had cute animals in.

it was this.

i cried for five minutes.

tomorrow i'm hurtling to manchester at ouch o'clock in the morning for this. i'm taking a talking stick to thwack 'em on the head with.
afterwards i have a date with a lady, a duvet, three week's worth of dr who, and a bottle of whisky.

wish her luck.






*i kept writing this as 'penislessness'. call freud, now.

best weekend in teh world... evah!!1!!.!!

this weekend was extraordinary.


i spent twenty five hours straight awake.

i spent about nine hours hurtling across the country.

i was a pirate for a lot of saturday.

here's a picture of a pirate that wasn't me:
here is a picture of a pirate that was me (i'm in the pink stripey):


i met a plethora of *very* pretty boys. yes. very. pretty. mmm...

i hung out with a very very inspiring woman named diane, who bought me cider and didn't mind my 'arrrr!'ing in public.

i was also a brixton dj (stage name, according to flyers, is 'more'. can't find one from saturday, so here's an old one to give you an idea of what i was doing).
oh, and here's me about to be dj'ing



i laughed so hard i though i had damaged myself.

i forgot geraniums, and sacrificed three good things to the god of london.

i met a yorkie called kali, and tried to kidnap her.:
skills! i got *lots* of new skills.

i had *delightful* company

i gawped at an unlikely named six foot tall mentalist for several hours, and almost missed my coach home due to said gawpiness. want. lots.

i cannot has unlikely named six foot tall mentalist :(



most worrying of all, i'm starting to understand why no quarter published this....

tim and sam

http://www.timandsam.com. click for aural beauty.

sounds like:

Something you'd listen to on a train....like the end of summer, when things aren't so hot anymore, but the sun still warms your face in the evening and when you close your eyes, you can only see orange and golds.

about their name:

"Some of you eager beavers may have noticed a bulletin asking for opinions on a name change. We received about 2345591 messages telling us not to, so we will keep it the same. However, we like the idea of a flexible name. Here are some acceptable alternatives:

Tim and Sam's Tim and the Sam Band
The Tim and Sam Band
Tim and Sam's Tim and Sam Band
Tim and Sam's Tim and Sam Band with Tim and Sam
That band with lots of Tim and Sams
TASTATSBWTAS

If you have any other name queries then please ask here. Word.

x"

a couple of reviews:

TaSTatSBwTaS are a guy called Tim and his band, of which there are usually six, none of which are called Sam. When they play live, half the members wear T-Shirts with 'Tim' written on them, no one wears a T-Shirt with 'Sam' written on it. Only one member, Tim, is called Tim. They make instrumental music with acoustic guitars, clarinets, cellos, glockenspeils and ahhhhs. The sound is organic, melodious and, well, cute; kinda like a forest saying goodnight to all the little woodland creatures. In my experience, it's rare to find a band that attempts to channel youthful awkwardness into something so graceful and unashamedly uncool--I think it's great.

*****

More Sams next, and some Tims too, with Manchester's daftest named band of the moment TIM AND SAM'S TIM AND THE SAM BAND WITH TIM AND SAM - although how many of each comprise the six people onstage (two of whom are female, although I suppose they could be Sams too) is unclear. Nope - after a bit of research it transpires this Sam is actually Tim's imaginary friend. Still with us? Good. Tim and his real friends play lovely indie-flavoured melodic post-rock with gorgeous peals of acoustic guitars, a clarinet and a glockenspiel propped up on an ironing board. This seems, for some reason, quite important - in a genre where it sometimes seems bands are trying to out-pretentious each other they seem warm, organic and very down-to-earth, and the good-natured feel of the whole evening continues as Troubles' Mike Siddell joins them on violin towards the end. The only vocals are a few gentle "ahh"s but they tell us one track called "Seeds" is about gardening, which seems to fit the rather pastoral spirit of it all; they are justifiably well received and soon everyone's forgotten that it's dark and horrible and pissing down outside.


tim's take on it all:

Hello there. I'm Tim. I like making music. Approximately 11 years and 32 days ago, I picked up a guitar....and ever since then I've been writing songs. As time went by I started to try writing with other people who play other instruments. These include Bass, Glockenspiel, Marimba, Banjo, Ukulele, Flute, Clarinet, Violin, Viola, Cello, Piano and drums. We try to sing a bit too, but it usually only goes as far as ahhs.

This summer we decided to try and record some songs to show off our skills. They've all been done at my house, with a little help from a few kind friends.

P.S Sam is my imaginary friend. He helps us write songs and get to sleep at night. He also plays guitar and writes some rather ace songs, but we never really got round to doing it together.





listen and fall in love.

morning hair

this is what happens when you try to grind coffee with a slight hangover, morning hair, and a new zealander in the kitchen:




sharing the love :)

cheers, ms kiwigoddess, for obliging with the camera.