nonmonogamy musings

full source here courtesey of mae bee, published on godhaven ink
"COMMUNITIES NOT COUPLES rule relationships, and the acceptance of them, betrays an internalised hierarchy. the relationship of a couple is of greater value and worth than others in the community. it would be equally unrealistic and undesirable to hope for everyone to feel as much love and connection with every single one of their community - down that path lies formalised and institutionalised groups or other coercive ways of relating which are just as damaging as rule relationships and coupledom.

community is more than one and it is more than two also. to create self-governing, self-sufficient small communities there cannot be the tyranny of individualism or of coupledom. to create wild and anarchistic communities we must also forsake the idea of sacrificing individual desires for the sake of the community. we have been so programmed by the megamachine that it is hard to imagine such a world where cooperation rather than competition does not elicit us as without. even harder to imagine is a world where we are free to take our pleasures and our desires openly. but if these are the communities we are in the process of creating then we must be honest and open and challenging. these communities will not prosper by shying from conflict but rather by not fearing it.

an argument often given by those who do not necessarily preach coercive relationships but are restricted by the ideology is this:
it is reasonable for A to not kiss B in front of C.
it is reasonable because A cares for C as much as she does for B.
A does not want to upset C.

nobody wants to upset those we care for. but if we restrict or inhibit our own desires for the false peace of not upsetting others, then we are left in a passionately deficit world. what then if C was upset because A and B were both female and C’s masculinity was threatened by queer sex? or if C was upset because A was black and B was white and C’s security as a black man was upset by mixed race love?

as radicals we would inevitably say the lovers should challenge homophobia and racism, that the onus is on C to deal with his feelings. and rightly so. homophobia and racism are internalised and damaging dynamics of control and power that must be challenged. so are rule relationships.

would you kiss B in front of C if C would be upset?!"


what a right moral maze i'm creating for myself...
*messyhead*

talk to god!

ever feel like your prayers aren't being answered? want to go and repent some of those terrible sins you've been carrying around for years? can't be arsed to leave your front room?

then this is the site for you!
clicky here!

god's already told me that my sins are part of his/her divine plan, and doesn't know where the remote control is. also gained brownie points by saying that they were wearing a dress.

lovely.

i am a really strong cylinder

bit of a random personal post here... just been going through some boxes and found my 'big red book', a scrap book type thing that i kept from about 16 to 20....
there's a couple of things that really made my heart ache. my best friend, karen williams, died in december 2002. there's some stuff she put in my book that has made me feel more than ever how much i miss her. so i kind of feel like i should post it to get it out of my system. here goes...

"30/11/00
Hello. My name is Karen and I am Zoe's friend. We are both going through massive changes at this time, we are both - in very different ways - beginning to metamorphosise into what + who we are truly meant to be. We will get to the other side of these changes. We are both strong & somewhat amazing women. Courage & fortitude, faith & the ability to change - we are incredible - why wouldn't we be with all the shit that has rained down on us. We would have drowned by now had we not been as strong as we are - all we need to do is draw on our reserves of power & we will win. We have won already."

This is followed by her own cartoon of her with the following annotations:
"really strong cylinder, you could stand on it"
sunshine
rocks
shadow (of pain & sadness)
squidgy stuff
poorly foot.

can't get the cartoon to upload onto here, here's a pic of us in amsterdam on new years day 2001 instead. her on the left and me on the right.



she described me as a "large floppy sunflower".

*sighs*







just a few more things about her. she once literally pissed herself laughing at the awfulness of some tack in a charity shop. she also pissed herself when she got her head stuck in some railings. at the age of 28. she often experimented to see what the birds that came outside her front door liked to eat (apparently muesli goes down a treat but they ain't keen on sugar puffs). she didn't think her acid was doing anything until she saw peter rabbit rolling logs. she made me cry because she loved me. she would, on meeting someone she fancied, set herself a challenge to lick a part of their clothing without them noticing (hence the phrase 'i leeek your fleece' when spying totty in the distance). she was mortified at the fact that her mum would find her vibrator on clearing the house after she was gone. she went out with a bloke we nicknamed 'the turk', who was mortified by said vibrator.

and i reckon she's up there somewhere laughing her ass off at me.

the usefulness of university

"The facts are really not at all like fish on the fishmonger's slab. They are like fish swimming about in a vast and sometimes inaccessible ocean; and what the historian catches will depend, partly on chance, but mainly on which part of the ocean he chooses to fish in and what tackle he chooses to use - these two factors being, of course, determined by the kind of fish he wants to catch. By and large, the historian will get the kind of facts he wants. History means interpretation."
Carr, What Is History? P.23

the discussion of this quote led to my 'what is history?' lecture notes having a sub-heading of

"Fish"

and led us to the conclusion that "we are wading through a sea of facty fish."

i'm liking the ridiculousness of this.

notes from the 'tricks of style' module include:

"i am writing to complain about the large erection my neighbour has in his back garden. it is unsightly and dangerous."

and

"fnar".

woo.

fucksake

post removed due to remorse over drunken ire.

bring and buy

wow! the best ever bring & buy today at the brudenell social in leeds (they are raising funds for soundproofing)

for the princely sum of four quid, i have come away with:

a yellow bison t-shirt (or is it a buffalo? i always get confused)
a badger mirror
a virgin mary magnet
an angela carter edited anthology called 'wayward girls and wicked women'
a cd of 'horse hospital: dame darcy and banjo pete' (with dame darcy on singing saw)
tex la homa's 'you the listener' ep, which i've never seen anywhere else, nor met anyone else that's heard of him

and that's not all

for a whole £1 (included in the above four quid expenditure, don't worry), i got five raffle tickets.
i have won 2 tickets to hyde park cinema and a £10 voucher for one of the local international supermarkets.

hurray for fundraisers and the bizarre luck that seems to have followed me about this week!