Wednesday, July 18, 2007

the naked poet

so. i have a new facet.
went to latitude (see next post) and i am now King Zo, Performance Poet Extraordinaire (aka The Nudest Woman Alive).

performed on the same stage as john hegley, roger mcgough, simon armitage, steve larkin, thick richard and murray lachlan watt. admittedly it was only open mic that i did, but hey. and i did it twice - the friday and the saturday - and only not thrice cos they ran out of time on the sunday slot :)

i may set up yet another myspace id. not written anything for twelve years, then i caught latitude madness and produced five over three days. and they're all a bit good :)

props solely consisting of my poetry book, some gaffertape-covered climate camp flyers in strategic places, a crown composed also of gaffertape and flyers, and a bucketload of enthusiasm.

the nekkid poem was saved til last :)

someone's already sent me a review:......
"the crowd explodes at the naked poet, who despite her nudity offers evocative verses on the nature of passion and desire, before urging the audience to strip" (and then it slightly misquotes the bit about hollywood - heh):

so kids, here you go.


when i rule the world
(which i will, if i get my way)
i'll change the names of days of the week
so it's always Nakedday

(note: it's at this point that the frock comes off and the gaffer tape comes out....)

cos we've all got body beautiful
yes! me! and you! and you!
we should revel in our glory
and appreciate the view

cos censorship gets on my tits
naked does *not* mean rude
and if you're offended by god's good gifts,
well, frankly, you're a prude

cos hollywood will show you blood
and rape and hate and gore,
but show 'em a willy or lady bits
and they'll show you the door

so. people! join me! hear my cry!
prepare to take a bow!
show off your lumpy wobbly bits
and shed your clothing now!

photos provided by the lovely ms lisa rocket. more available here:

Saturday, July 07, 2007

var about_me= Math.random()*8 (apparently)

mr jim bliss has set/been set another of them there meme things.
(also via tampon teabag and chicken yoghurt)

so kids.
eight bits of random about me, and one of them is barefaced lies.

1) i am the queen of cake. oreo cookie cheesecake and vegan choccie torte are specialities.

2) i lost my (boy) virginity in my boyfriend's grandmother's bed.

3) i only have one and a half nipples.

4) i have only ever been sacked from *one* job.

5) i have touched three people who have touched germaine greer. i haven't touched germaine greer though. yet.

6) i currently have over fifty vegetables steadily growing on my patio thing and meter cupboard.

7) my biggest ever regret is not saying yes to the lovely boy who asked me out on the bus years ago, and instead going home to twattish abusive ginger cuntyfuck ex.

8) i've slept with half a band. they were all twunts.

wanna join in? take it and run with it....

ps sorry it's all full of sauce. you can see where my mind's been recently, no?

Thursday, July 05, 2007

ponygirls but wronger

About us:

Zoe and Dave were discussing what to do one evening, and one of them (both are too generous and/or ashamed to claim ownership) flippantly suggested dressing up as ponygirls and taking photos.

Some filthy vodka later, a saddle had been created usinig a pizza box and a very sharp knife, as had a makeshift tail. A cowboy hat and cameraphone were uncorporately procured, and a harness was improvised with a belt.

Dave proved to be a loyal steed, and Zoe held the reins properly (fingers round, thumbs to the sky) and *everything*.

We encourage our fellow ponygirlsbutwrongers to grasp the bit between their teeth, prepare to mount and to get out their best horseshoes.

Who we'd like to meet:

By all means add us to your myspace friends. We'd *really* love you to send us *your* photos of *you* being ponygirls but wronger.

Post them on our (heavily moderated) myspace comments section, or just send them straight to us for a giggle.

No sauce, nudity or inflatable animals, please. We're British.

n.b. If you don't know what a ponygirl is, we recommend that you google. Very 18+ and not at all safe for work or those with a nervous disposition. Zoe and Dave cannot be held responsible for any distress caused, or damage emerging from tea being snorted out of your nose. Thank you.

irons in my fire

everything's a bit mental at the moment. but in an exceedingly good way.
this is re-posted from elsewhere, but with a few extra bits thrown in. it's cold hard fact versus silver linings....

cold hard fact: my landlady's a nutter who keeps telling me she's coming home and wants me to find somewhere new, and then next day i get messages saying all's fine and not to worry.
silver lining: i'm actually taking her seriously, so i'm looking at gettin into the whole housing co-op thing and it seems to be heading in the right direction. it's been part of my life plan for years.

cold hard fact: i have a bizarre habit of sending a particular unfortunate individual messages when drunk/having a bad day/both.*
silver lining: they've not (afaik) put me on ignore. reading through them in the cold light of day is strange - i think i've appointed them as my unofficial/unwilling counsellor - they get splurged at, and i get to actually work out where i'm coming from, and make a wee bit more sense of myself..... (massive thanks to them, they know who they are. and no massive apology, cos i think i'm at about at the stage where i've stopped doing it unnecessarily)

cold hard fact: i'm not working at the minute
silver lining: it's freeing me up to hurtle cross country, to do self indulgent wanky art stuff i love and the like. it also means the world's my oyster as far as working out what i'm *going* to do (well, bar jobs wot need a degree)

cold hard fact: i've set myself a deadline of six weeks to collate and assemble an estimated 60-80 page homemade magazine
silver lining: i'm getting *amazing* contributions coming in and meeting some fantastic and inspiring people as i do it.

cold hard fact: i'm being a vaguely political slightly activist and not many people listen
silver lining: one or two *do*. and that's enough for the moment.

cold hard fact: i didn't get the rats i was meant to
silver lining: i'm hopefully going to have a CATURDAY!!!1! soon, and they won't eat the rats :)

cold hard fact: one of the people i really would like to have next to me at the moment is 180 miles away
silver lining: i'm seeing them in a couple of weeks FOR A WHOLE WEEK!!1!! and they're bringing their 'tongue joy' with them

cold hard fact: i have been drinking gin tonight
silver lining: not *toooooooooooo* much of it. my 'sent items' folder is clean as a whistle, and i can still type.

cold hard fact: i'm being a media person and it's very scary indeed.
silver lining: i'm pushing myself, i'm actually doing something positive and worthwhile, and it's going to get me good skillz.

cold hard fact: i'm on the verge of *say this very quietly indeed* falling in love
silver lining: it's ace. he's ace. we're ace. (and i know he'll read this :) )

i think that's enough for now.

edit: not quite.
i'm putting on a gig in july, and have just (i think) booked a cowboy pirate band.

* to spare the said individual further messages containing rabid 'waaah', has come into existence.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

bless my dad and his emails

he's great on the intermaweb :)

sent me this just now:

Why Parents Drink

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw
an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to "Dad." With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling
hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I
wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her
because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the
fact that she is much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion...Dad, she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer
in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact
that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine
and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and
I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren. Love, Your Son


PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a report
card. That's in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.

warren ellis...

.... has had a link on drphunk's blog for many many moons.
i'm ashamed to say that i've never really checked it out before.

i did this weekend.

god yes.

the three most recent posts:

Fact Of The Day
Frell: not a real word do not use it in the real world you stupid stupid stupid fucking nerd.
You’re welcome.

Warren Ellis: Why, yes, I AM going to be in a foul fucking mood for the rest of the week and possibly the rest of my life. Why do you ask, ARSEGERM?

Warren Ellis: none pub = not enough smoky + no sit drink caffeine til brain worky go = fall over die


Monday, July 02, 2007

tank girl?

Disarm DSEi
11th September 2007
One Day, Many Actions

Blockade? Party? Destroy? March? Smash? Infiltrate? Invade? Picket? Harass? Clown? Dance? Light candles? Fight? Lock on? Vigil? Disrupt?

You Decide!

From 11-14 September, DSEi (Defence Systems & Equipment international), the world's largest arms fair, returns to East London's ExCeL Centre.

Despite massive local opposition, and a huge bill to the taxpayer, arms dealers will once again be free to deal in death and destruction.

clicky linky for more info

on a very related note, the space hijackers currently have an appeal out:


Who are the Space Hijackers?

The Space Hijackers are a bunch of misfit troublemakers who have been
kicking up a storm since 1999. We have held parties for 3000 people on the
London Underground circle line, we have tricked Nike Town into a half
price sale by printing our own “EVERYTHING INSTORE HALF PRICE TODAY”
T-shirts and tidying up. We have bought a boat and invaded an island in
the Docklands in London to host a pirate party and we have smashed the
Capitalists for six in our midnight Anarchist Vs Capitalist cricket

What’s this all about?

There comes a time in every activist groups development when they realise
that there is something missing in their set up. We have been striving to
cause trouble, save the world and wind up the powers that be for 8 years
now. However we still don't own a tank, or indeed any kind of armoured
personnel carrier.
Please help us right this wrong.

Why do you need a tank?

Every two years the ExCeL exhibition centre in East London plays host to
DSEi, Europe’s largest arms fair. Representatives from all of the major
arms manufacturers pimp their wares to rogue states, impoverished nations
and invading armies with the full support of the UK government. In fact
the police firearms squad tried to raid the fair in 2005 only to be turned
back by the government.

On the last two occasions we have attempted to infiltrate the fair,
embarrass the dealers and cause a ruckus. In 2003, we caught the trains to
the fair with the arms dealers. Suited up and looking business-like we
pulled prosthetic limbs (arms) from our cases and attempted to sell them
to the dealers. In 2005, worried about their obsession with phallic
objects such as rockets we attempted to sell sex toys to the dealers to
make up for their lack of “weapons capabilities”. Generally however we are
escorted out by the police.

This year we have decided to take things up a notch or ten. We want to buy
a tank, we want to drive it into the arms fair! We don’t want to be shoved
around by burly policemen any more. Can’t really say much more at the
moment, but you get the gist.

What about after the Arms Fair?

Assuming they haven’t tested their anti tank missiles on us. We are an
enterprising group, with mischief simply brimming out of our beer fuelled
brains. We have many many many plans for the tank in the future,
especially once we have kitted it out with a full sound system (which has
already been donated!)

How can I help?

You can help by lending us one of your tanks if you have any spare.
You can help by offering us free secure parking for our tank.
You can help by lending us your mechanic skills to turn our gas guzzler
into a bio diesel green tank.

Of course the simplest way of helping is by giving us a small amount of
money towards the tank or by passing this email on to your rich mates and
getting them to donate us a slightly larger amount of money.

visit the link below to donate and forward this to your friends

ace :)